To tell you that this season, year, past few months have been a spiritual, emotional and physical rollercoaster - may not completely do it justice. For those who are close to me, you know. And real quick - thank you for encouraging me, believing in me, making me laugh, reminding me who the enemy is and above all else - reminding me that this was a season that God had brought to me for a reason. I love you guys so much.
Whew. Okay. Back to the blog....
So guess what? I quit my job. Yep. Wow - cannot believe I am saying that. AND I AM SO EXCITED. But also.... "hellooooo immense fear - HA. It wouldn't be confusing and difficult if it wasn't His plan, am I right? Let's hope so...
At this point I may have some readers thinking I just quit my day job to make custom furniture. AND OMG I AM LAUGHING SO HARD AT THAT THOUGHT - me with a power tool? Nah. Hahahhaahhahha (shout out to my queen bee friends who can slay some projects with those puppies - AND YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE). But I will nudge ya off the edge of your seat by telling you why the heck it is titled this.... and try not to butcher it. Ha.
A few months ago, a dear friend of mine was telling me she was driving to work, listening to a podcast ~that was like with a Hillsong worship leader or something? let me preface that I actuallyyyyy haven't listened to it - but this is what I remember in her retelling the podcast and what I took from it. :)~ and while also laughing bc this lady was v funny, she was also crying. Good tears, people! In this episode - the worship leader was explaining how she had this dream where she waltzed into a furniture store. In this furniture store, there were thousands of beautiful, custom pieces of furniture. Some vintage, some new - some simple, some so intricately detailed... like nothing she had seen. Then Jesus appeared. He said "you can have any piece of furniture you want - literally any piece! I've made everything and it is good - pick one". And she felt overwhelmed and so excited! Any piece she wanted?! She looked around... and around... and around... she couldn't decide. Why couldn't she decide?! He literally said ANY PIECE SHE WANTED. He made it all! It's all good and perfect in His name... why is she having such a hard time picking ONE piece of furniture? She told Him she couldn't decide. He responded "well if you'd like, I can make a custom piece of furniture - exactly for you - only for you - and perfect for you. Everything in here is good and perfect - but I can make you a custom piece that you will love immensely." And she was so HAPPY! A piece just for her?! By her creator!? A custom piece of furniture by her beloved that was completely made just for her?? What a treasure... And then she woke up.
Now again - I haven't listened to it yet - and I 100% will! But just the retelling of this story through a friend was enough for my torn, confused heart. I'll explain...
Without getting into too much detail or overwhelming anyone with my freaking LIFE story - lol - I had a very painful but powerful year last year. I was navigating fresh waters of losing my mom which for me was intensely painful. I know people love their mommas but this was one relationship and person I forever needed and longed for. She was a person beyond explanation and completely made me and my siblings who we are today because of her love and example. Okay now I am crying. One sec.
SO as I was saying - I was experiencing intense grief, working a full time job and just managing to function. Not well, I might add. But during this time, I picked up my serving schedule at church and began singing with the worship team again. It was something I had been doing for over a year and really enjoyed - but the idea of standing up there singing praise to (if you want to go there) someone who could let this happen to me? Sounded difficult. Boy was I in for it....
I can't remember the date, but it was early in 2018, March or so, that God met me on that stage in such a heavenly way that I cannot explain or tell into words that would do it justice. He knew I needed Him and He met me in a way that was so close to my heart. Through worship. And He met me, time and time and time and time again through that stage - that room - that music - those people - He met me. He carried me - He held me - He caught my tears and He gave me a voice to sing through it all. Okay, crying again.
Sorry this is so long, y'all! Woof.
Through this time, I began to understand that He created me to worship. Sing His name, lead through music, song, voice... I knew it. He told me. That sounds weird and if you had asked the Alyssa in 2017 or earlier if God had ever spoken to her, she would get uncomfortable and be like "uh no i don't think so". And then make a joke and run away. LOL.
I began to question if this is what He put me on the earth to do... like, if this was supposed to be my full-time job... "am I supposed to like, go to seminary or worship school (lol) or something now?! I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO unqualified!!!!!!". And this conversation happened over and over and over... and He kept meeting me. And I became impatient. Why did He give me such intense confirmation and passion for this and there was no "job" in my future? Do I just sit with this info now? "Like, hi, yeah, can you tell me what to do next? Your girl needs a freaking door right now lolololllll." And I began trying to predict my future, plan it out, map it out... all while starting a photography and video business on the side. What's that you ask? Why yes - I started a business... you guys are probably like "what the heck am I reading right now..." Get you some popcorn, boo.
The majority of you know I've pursued YouTube and have been creating content for a few years now. You may not know that I also did this at my full-time job. It was a huge blessing to hone a craft that I enjoyed, was challenged by and felt good at. But over time, I began feeling burnt out at my 9-5 job. I knew there was something more for me. I just wasn't sure yet what that exactly was... "Worship??? Photography + video??? Becoming a full-time pomeranian mom??? Something else???"
I began bouncing around the idea of doing photography full-time, for myself. It was something I really felt like I was blossoming into once I finally began shooting for myself. After prayer, talking to Daniel and saving for a camera upgrade, I decided to potentiallyyyyy pursue this avenue in 2019 - especially if this worship thing didn't pan out... are y'all laughing at me yet??? Trust me - I am too. THE AUDACITY THAT I COULD TELL GOD WHAT I AM DOING WITH MY LIFE.
While wrestling with all of this internally and through conversations with friends - I was going a little crazy. My emotions were so raw, I still missed my mom and I knew she would tell me what to do. But she wasn't there and I had to talk to God about it. And did He talk back.
A few months ago, during one of the ongoing conversations about my LYFEEEEE my friend, Cari, told me about the podcast episode I mentioned earlier. She began explaining to me that while all of these avenues for my future were good, and just and beautiful in His name, did I want to pick one and pursue it? I would be happy - because God created it - of course it was good! But did I want that? To pick just one of my passions?
What if I just let him create a custom life, career, future for me?
HOLY FREAKING SHOT THIS HIT ME LIKE BRICKS.
He is the master, perfecter, creator, all-knowing and He created ME. He gave ME all these passions, desires, hopes and gifts... why did I have to pick one?? Why did only one have to work out?? What if I just "created" and worshipped through music, singing, photography, film, stories, silliness, compassion, and all of the other attributes He gave me that make me Alyssa? I wouldn't have to worry about my future. Because I was doing exactly what He put me on this earth to do, in this moment, in this season, in this life.
So friends, I'm letting God create a very custom piece of furniture for my future and I encourage you to do that, too.
I'm Alyssa, thanks for stopping by! A few things: I enjoy laughing, making youtube videos and thrift shopping. Currently listening to "Everything Now" by Arcade Fire. I like my coffee black and my preferred method of maxin' & relaxin' is with my husband and pup.